


Web Shooter

by positivelyglowing



Series: Spideychelle One-Shots, Prompts, and Requests [9]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Bad Dirty Talk, Dick Jokes, Euphemisms, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Michelle Jones is a Little Shit, Mild Spoilers for Far From Home, Non-Explicit, Peter Parker is a Huge Dork, Peter has no idea what he's doing, Second-Hand Embarrassment, lmao ayyyy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 00:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19800946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/positivelyglowing/pseuds/positivelyglowing
Summary: "First, he realizes, perhaps, that it’s a pretty dumb question.Second, he realizes that the cheesy lines in all those porn movies tend to not be realistic at all and that they actually sound really goofy when applied to real life situations.And third, he realizes he may have broken his girlfriend."Essentially, MJ finds out about that funny little nickname. Relentless teasing ensues.





	Web Shooter

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Here's something fun I wrote from another prompt someone sent me on tumblr! Hope you like it! 
> 
> Prompt: Hey! I love your fanfics! Could write something like MJ making fun of Peter calling his penis web shooter?
> 
> Why, yes, dear Anon, yes I can. *insert sunglasses emoji*

There’s been a handful of embarrassing moments in the short time Peter’s been on this Earth, a good portion of them being more recent than others, and he’s come to accept that for the most part; being a perpetual fool was just part of the whole awkward teenager gig. 

But accidentally revealing his not cool-in-the-slightest nickname for his… well, _nether regions…_ that he’d said while on a mission in Prague— _as a joke_ —to his best-friend-newly-turned-girlfriend ranks pretty high up on the top ten list of his most mortifying moments. 

He knows he’ll never live this down.

He’s not sure what exactly it was in his brain that tells him that this would be a good thing to just spit out in the heat of the moment, that this would somehow not totally ruin whatever it is they were about to do. 

Maybe he was drawing too much inspiration from the variety of _adult films_ he’d seen; his own god-awful attempt at dirty talk. 

It was all going so well; so perfectly, in fact, that he couldn’t really tell if this is another one of _those_ dreams or not. 

He’s sat at the edge of his twin bed, dressed only in a pair of boxers as, in a surge of shaky confidence, MJ disconnects her lips from his and sinks to her knees in front of him, the movement so fast it’s almost disorienting. His brain practically short circuits at the image of her between his legs, his fists mindlessly grasping at the sheets under him, knuckles turning white at the pressure. 

_Ohgodohgodohgodohgod._

It had to have been a moment of sheer panic, just something his nervous brain made him say in an effort to ease the tension, to break the thick silence. Up until this point, they’d only ever gotten to the ever magical second base, so this was completely new, uncharted territory. 

He thinks he might die at the way MJ briefly looks up at him from under her lashes, a shy grin tugging at the corner of her lips. The sudden urge to pull her right back into his lap and never stop kissing her is almost overwhelming, but he remains strong. 

Well, for the most part. 

He’s still internally freaking the fuck out that his beautiful girlfriend is currently having what might be the world’s longest staring contest with his boner. 

She seems almost as nervous as he is, her arms at her side as she sits back on her heels, palms flat against the tops of her thighs, her fingers tapping anxiously. Her eyebrows raise in a silent question, eyes glancing between his face and the prominent tent in his boxers.

Peter nods, perhaps with a little too much enthusiasm, swallowing thickly as she cracks a giddy, toothy smile. He mentally kicks himself for being so inarticulate at such a crucial moment, silently wondering if MJ can tell how freaking nervous he is as she shifts her weight forward. His breath catches in his throat as her fingers slowly ghost along the tops of his thighs, her touch feather-light as she starts toying with the waistband of his boxers.

And it’s then, right then, that Peter’s mouth seems to wanna go rogue, to become this loose cannon that doesn’t play by the rules. Fuck his brain. He didn’t need that.

Peter deepens his voice—or, he tries to—though the breathy quality is unshakable as he puts on a false, almost comedic sense of bravado. 

“You wanna… play with my… web shooter?”

First, he realizes, perhaps, that it’s a pretty dumb question.

Second, he realizes that the cheesy lines in all those porn movies tend to not be realistic at all and that they actually sound really goofy when applied to real life situations.

And third, he realizes he may have broken his girlfriend.

MJ freezes in her place, her brows pinched together in confusion for barely a second, as if she’s questioning the very sense of reality in that moment, before she snorts loudly, hearty scream-laughs wracking her body as she crumples forward, resting her forehead on the edge of his knee as she tries to hold herself up. “You did not—!” She struggles to get the words out through her laughter. “You did not just—!” A hiccup, a wheeze. She shakes her head, looking back up at him, and for a moment, he thinks her little giggle fit might be over. 

In her defense, she tries to maintain a stoic expression, though she’s only able to hold it for a split second before bursting into more boisterous laughter. 

He thinks his entire body might just be the exact same shade of red as his Spider suit.“MJ—”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She holds a finger up, cutting him off, before clearing her throat, though a stray chuckle still bubbles up from her chest. “It’s just…” And it takes her another minute to collect herself, though she still’s still practically vibrating with amusement. _“Web shooter?”_ She finally asks quietly, as calm as she can manage, the corners of her lips twitching violently as she tries to hold back another laugh.

On the bright side, she doesn’t seem as nervous anymore.

As embarrassed and absolutely mortified as he is, Peter can certainly see the humor in the situation. He’s unable to fight back his own sheepish smile, nudging her gently. “Shut up!”

“That was lame,” She teases. “Really lame. Even for you, dude.”

“I know, I know!” He huffs. “Gimme a break, okay?” He pleads, playfully nudging her again when he can see the early signs of another fit of laughter start to take her. “I thought it would…” He pauses, tilting his head from side-to-side as he lowers his voice, shrugging timidly. “… _enhance_ the mood.”

She purses her lips in an effort to keep them from breaking, mirth twinkling in her eyes as she nods solemnly. “Mmhmm. Yeah. Makes sense.”

“Clearly, it didn’t work.”

MJ shrugs. “I mean, it made me laugh, so that’s something.” 

Peter lets out a huff of amusement as he shakes his head. 

“So this isn’t like… a kink of yours is it?” MJ suddenly asks, the teasing lilt in her tone still very much present. 

His eyes widen in surprise, jaw dropping. “What?!” 

“I mean, you’re not gonna have me call you Spider-Man are you?”

“—Oh my god, MJ.” He throws his head back as a fully exasperated groan escapes him. 

“—And like, throw the mask on, have me ask you to web me up or something—”

“—Please, stop—”

“—I mean, whatever gets you going,” MJ reasons, her lips pulled into a faint smirk. “Whatever helps your Peter tingle, I guess.”

If it was his own initial comparison of his dick to his web shooter that killed him, _that_ was what put the damn nail in the coffin. At this point, he knows that there’s nothing he can do or say that can stop this relentless teasing. 

For the umpteenth time that night, he shakes his head. “I hate you,” he says with all the affection in the world.

And MJ only grins cheekily back at him, squinting. At the near radio silence that falls after, the air still crackling, she moves to sit next to him, playfully knocking her shoulder against his. “But, hey, if it’s any consolation, I _did_ learn something.”

Peter’s gaze snaps to hers. His head cocks to the side, eyebrows pinched in slight confusion. “What?”

“I mean, I didn’t know your web fluid was organic—”

She doesn’t get to finish that sentence, both of them unable to contain their smiles as he effectively shuts her up with a firm, but loving kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao that was a wild ride
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!!
> 
> find me on tumblr @spiderman-homecomeme and on twitter @smhomecomeme <3


End file.
